Wow it’s been a hot second since my last blog post and for that I sincerely apologize. EEK!! In the past six months I can say that I’m thrilled with where life is taking me! There have been many changes in my life–I officially became a Beachbody coach in June, got a new car in August (bye bye mini van) and moved into my very own apartment in September. YAY!
I’m so beyond blessed with life right now!! BUT I can assure you that it hasn’t always been this way. I haven’t always been this positive and cheerful. I believe that the only way I am able to fully appreciate each of these wonderful aspects of my life NOW is by reflecting on my past struggles. I’ve been through A LOT in my life-I mean who hasn’t? We all have baggage and stuff that has happened to us. However, it’s all about how we handle those obstacles and struggles. I love the quote posted above so very much and it couldn’t be more true.
“I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.”
It’s no secret that my move from Buffalo, New York to Raleigh, North Carolina after graduating from college in May 2012 was very very hard on me, if not one of the hardest things I have EVER done. My first year of teaching and living on my own in a new state was quite the challenge. Not only was I anxious and homesick 99.9% of the time but I felt so conflicted in the fact that I didn’t think teaching was for me. I remember calling my mom sobbing–telling her I was going to pack up my car and head home SEVERAL TIMES. I even researched what it would cost to rent a U-Haul and trailer my car home, that’s how miserable I was. It was nobody’s fault, I was just so uncomfortable with being me and navigating this unknown territory just sent me in a downward anxiety ridden spiral. The only way I knew how to make myself feel better was through my anxiety medication (which I don’t think ever helped) and eating (until February 2013). I found comfort in gorging myself on any fast food that I could find. I looked forward to weekends with Ben and Jerry and Netflix–that is before Netflix and Chill was a thing…I was trapped in my own body and I was in denial that I had an eating problem.
While I was in North Carolina I had this attitude that I was the victim and everyone should feel bad for me. I always dreaded the flights “home” from Buffalo to Raleigh. I cried on my drive home from the airport before stopping at McDonald’s and then curling up in my bed full of tears to nap away my misery. I just assumed I was destined to be anxious and miserable and that’s how my life was going to be. I didn’t see it getting any better and I felt very little purpose in life. I was truly going through the daily motions and hoping for a miracle.
My miracle finally came on February 6th, 2013 when I decided to join Planet Fitness and attend my first Weight Watchers meeting because one of my students in my class told me that I was the biggest. I was so embarrassed and heartbroken in that moment. I felt so hurt and ashamed that I let a second grader define my size. BUT I had been struggling for so very long that I truly NEEDED that. That student was the voice of so many family and friends that wanted to say something but couldn’t because they probably didn’t want to hurt my feelings. This student didn’t care about my feelings but I’m so much stronger now because of that comment. I let that comment define me in the moment but it truly changed my life for the better. That comment sparked my healthy lifestyle and I’m extremely thankful for this journey.
It’s truly not about how much weight I’ve lost anymore. It’s not about a number on the scale. It’s not about the fastest mile. It’s not about the heaviest squat. It’s not about how many Beachbody customers I have. It’s about what this journey has taught me. It’s about appreciating and embracing the fact that I came from a very low place in North Carolina. I went from letting my anxiety and struggle with emotional eating control me to loving life as a Beachbody coach with BIG goals. The fact that I just typed that brings tears to my eyes. Happy tears just streaming down my face. I never ever thought that I could help myself let alone inspire anyone else.
This journey has brought me strangers from all over the world that I now am blessed to call my friends, an amazing team, confidence I never knew I had, and a much bigger purpose in life. I couldn’t say any of this in February 2013. Dream Big. Get Fit. 2016 is going to be the best year yet. Love you all. ❤